Mom’s Spring Break Flu. No one ever banks on mom being sick, not even mom. It basically doesn’t seem like a possibility. Mom makes the world go round in many households. She cares for the others who don’t feel well. When the fridge and cupboards are bare, she makes a trip to the grocery store. She plans the meals and makes them happen, even at last minute. Mom comes to the rescue in last minute emergencies, even when the episodes aren’t true emergencies. She finds the clothes and fixes the holes, both literally and figuratively. And from mom’s perspective, there is no time in her world for her own illness because she has places to go and people to see.
Mom’s Spring Break Flu
As a mom of teenagers, I am so rarely sick. I don’t have little ones that bring home school germs raging through susceptible 7 year-olds. This winter held the record for most flu cases in many years and somehow I escaped the wrath. But then I went out of town this past weekend, and low and behold came home with a germ. A nasty one. It started Monday morning with an “I don’t feel right” and continues two days later with “I can’t lift my head”, accompanied by flu symptoms no one wants to read about.
Oh the Guilt!
Along with physical symptoms, illness in adults also brings emotional discomfort- mostly guilt. There is mom guilt. My kids are teens, so my mom guilt differs from little tyke mom guilt. And because now is Spring Break, they are more often around. I feel badly because I can’t handle the loud music and verbal darts they throw at each other. It is extra annoying. Can’t they see I am miserable and therefore modify their behavior? (haha) I also feel like a failure because not a lot of food exists in the house. I didn’t get to the store today as planned. On the other hand, because they are teens, they can find their own food and help with chores around the house. Score. And I am able to go in my room and shut the door, leaving them completely unsupervised. Ahhhh…. a slice of heaven.
The other kind of guilt that ensues is work guilt. I am supposed to be there. My co workers need me and I am disappointing everyone by my weakness. Truly I want to tough this bug out at work and be the hero by suffering though it while getting my job done. But I realize that is unrealistic. No one wants a sickie at work, but work suffers when I am home. It is a “can’t win” situation that drives me nuts.
And a Little Bitterness
On top of the guilt, I feel resentment. While I am miserable and afflicted, the rest of my family has a grand old time. My husband leaves the house at his normal work time in his normal routine while I am sweating bullets in bed, barely coherent. Again, because it is Spring Break, my son brings his younger sister to a friend’s house (because I can’t) and then himself goes to his friend’s house. I am left to an empty house with thoughts of work having to close its doors because I am not there (wink wink) and feeling the flu symptoms wreak havoc. At this point I break down in tears, because not only have I abandoned others, but I myself have been abandoned and I feel like my head and stomach might explode with flu.
Did I mention it is Spring Break? The sun is out, but I am down. Can’t really stand. Can’t really eat. Social media isn’t an option because of all my friends showing their healthy body pictures in a warm, sometimes tropical place. The dog snores beside my feverish body. It feels as if the rest of the world enjoys themselves while I can’t.
Those Left Behind
During my self pity party, I can’t help but think of those who are more often in this state than they are not. Those who suffer from debilitating pain and nausea most of their lives. Do they always feel left behind by the rest of the world? Do they look out the window and shed tears because they cannot leave the house? Or ever do as they want? And I am thankful that this situation for me is temporary, Lord willing. May God bless those who want more to life than looking out a window.
On a positive note, I have been able to rest peacefully with everyone gone today. It isn’t often that I get to nap the day away. And for whatever reason, the Tamiflu gives me really pleasant dreams. I had a super fun trip to Disney World and Chip and Joanna put a lovely addition on my house! Is that a very slight hunger pang I felt? Maybe my life will be back into routine one day again.
Update!
Five days have passed since the start of my spring break flu and I finally feel like I am a person again. In fact, I feel beyond normal even though I am at normal status. I can sit up, converse without groaning, stay awake for hours at a time and eat whatever I want. Compared to earlier in the week, this seems super human. Now aware that I severely take health for granted, I am elated to be back at life. Why did I ever complain about my life before? I know this grateful attitude won’t last forever, but for now I am enjoying the ride.
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